I am trying to keep it together, but struggle with all of the emotions that I'm feeling regarding the latest school shooting.
In case you don't know, I was attending Virginia Tech and on campus when the shooting occurred 4/16/07. It was all so surreal at the time...it seemed like it could not really be happening to people that I knew, just across campus.
After yesterday's shooting in CT, I have been broken down completely. Also, being a parent now compounds the grief that I'm feeling. I cannot help but imagine those helpless children. Call me morbid, but the thought of those little lifeless bodies just makes me weep. I don't know what it is about me but I wanted to know what happened to Austin too. She worked as a lifeguard for me while I was at VT and was killed in the shooting. I was able to talk to her parents and find out intimate details of her death and somehow, it comforted me. Knowing that she did not suffer...knowing that she did not know what was happening, made it more bearable for me. I cannot begin to imagine the pain and suffering that her family went through. I think about her mom often and ache for her. Just the other night after "Parenthood", I thought of Rene. Austin is just gone. Never to be again. Her mom has to deal with that everyday.
So, after yesterday's shooting, all of the old feelings have been brought to life again and I am forced to grieve for the families that lost a child and for all of my Virginia Tech family too. It's not just this Christmas, it's every Christmas from now on. It's every birthday and every occasion that they will not be there. It truly breaks my heart.
On another note, I'm going to try and appreciate my family this year and hope that we don't have a nuclear meltdown. I'll tolerate Christmas Eve with a smile and be glad that everybody is alive and well. I'll try not to talk bad about them afterwards.
This is just another reminder of how precious life really is. Be grateful that you are alive and have those to love in your life.
Love,
Whitney
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